Research-Backed Tips for Choosing Age Appropriate Toys • The Thoughtful Parent

{Choosing age appropriate toys that your kids will actually like is not always easy. Using a few child development hints, you can choose items that your kids will love for years}

I’ll be honest–last Christmas we made a big mistake. We bought our boys toys that were bad choices. There’s no sugar-coating it, we just did.

We had thought about what to get them but in the end, we sort of caved to last-minute pressure and chose items that were too much, too short-lived, and not well-chosen.

First, there was the gigantic Lego set that our older son loved, but it was such a task to put it together that he swore never to take it apart again. So now it sits, lonely and untouched, on his dresser. Now, don’t get me wrong, we LOVE Legos in our house. They foster such imagination and build spatial skills like no other toy, but if they are not taken apart and used again, their use becomes limited.

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Then there was the slot car track we thought our younger son would love. He did like it…for about a week. Then the fascination of racing cars with friends or his brother wore off. It took up an insane about of space in our playroom so we dismantled it and it hasn’t been used since.

Does this sound familiar?

Even with all my training in child development, picking toys and gifts for kids is still challenging at times. It’s difficult to balance what they actually want (or what’s trendy) with what you know to be better choices based on your values. We try not to foster too much consumerism in our home, but it is difficult to turn down those pleas for the “cool” toy that all their friends are supposedly getting. As parents, we are often motivated by noble intentions—we want to see those smiles and excitement on our kids’ faces when they open that gift. It’s often hard to remember that those smiles are often short-lived if the gift choice is not made in a thoughtful way.

The Research Behind Toy Fads

Every holiday season there is always a couple of toys that become the “must have” item of the year. I’ve often wondered why this happens, so I did a little digging into the research.

Herd Mentality

As you might expect, our human tendency towards a herd mentality is part of this. Kids want to fit in and if having the coveted item helps them with this goal, it goes to the top of their list. Social psychologists explain that people can’t be experts at everything so they use a short-cut of trusting certain people’s evaluations of items or circumstances. These “influencers” become the people that adults or kids listen to on certain topics. For kids, this might be a good friend or popular kid at school; for adults, this might be a celebrity or trusted friend.

While herd mentality is not always a negative feature of human nature, it can become problematic for kids if it limits their ability to think independently and make their own choices. This is where having a strong-willed child is a real positive. If we parents can foster our kids’ strong-willed nature so they learn to use it in a positive way to resist social pressures, it will be a huge benefit for them long-term.

The Appeal of Novelty

The other main reason why kids love those fad toys is the sheer novelty. All kids, especially our youngest ones, are naturally drawn to things that are original and novel. Without the mental maturity of adults, kids are inherently fascinated by items they haven’t seen before. Combined with the fact that most young kids don’t have great skills at delayed gratification, this novelty soon becomes an irresistible desire.

Thoughtful Toy Selection

As adults, we have the emotional maturity (at least most of the time) to look past the toy fads and make more thoughtful decisions when purchasing toys for our kids. This is where research can really help us. Surprisingly, quite a few studies have considered the role that specific types of toys have on developing children’s brains and skill development. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

Birth-Age 1

Limit electronic toys. They tend to be overstimulating for babies and they don’t have the brain development to understand all the beeping and flashing. Research has shown that traditional toys foster more interaction with caregivers and promote language development better than electronic toys.
High-contrast colors. For the youngest babies, high-contrast colors are helpful because their eyes don’t have full access to colors until about 5 months of age.
Board books are key. Little ones LOVE the sound of your voice. In fact, you are an infant’s best “toy” by far. Research tells us that certain books help foster language development more readily than others. Any reading, however, is great for babies’ brains.

Related reading: Classic Baby Books that Boost Brain Development

Toddlers/Preschoolers

Foster pretend play. All that dress-up play, playing grocery store and doctor’s office is wonderful for young kids’ developing brains. Pretend play is one of the best ways to help kids develop social-emotional skills since they have to stay “in character” and model the emotions of another person.
Little versions. Kids at this age love to copy the actions of adults in their lives. This is wonderful for skill building and social-emotional skills as well. Foster this type of play by choosing kid-size versions of adult tools—toy vacuum, mops, rakes, cleaning tools, play kitchens, and even kid-size tools are all great for this type of play.

Focus on basic skills. Toddlers are still learning some basic eye-hand coordination skills like pouring, filling and stacking. Help this aspect of development by choosing toys that encourage these skills. Items like blocks, pitchers, and sand-water tables are all great examples of toys that foster basic skills.
Fine motor skills. Preschoolers especially need time to practice fine motor skills so they will be ready to hold pencils and scissors in school. You can help promote these skills by finding toys that make this work fun. Duplo bricks and Play-Doh are the classics for these skills. New toys like this one that my son LOVED as a toddler are perfect.
Sensory fun. Toddlers, preschoolers, and even older kids love sensory play. I’ve found that even my elementary-age kids find it soothing after a long day at school. Sensory play can include all types of substances like slime, dough or clay, beads, beans, or shaving cream. Check out this wonderful resource for all the best ideas for sensory play.
Large motor skills. Toddlers may still be working on large motor skills like hopping, skipping and climbing. Simply going to the park to play is one of the best ways to encourage these skills. However, when the weather doesn’t cooperate with outdoor play, there are some great indoor options too like a simplified pogo jumper (my boys still use these all the time!) or balance steps.

Related reading: Calming Activities for Super-Active Kids

Ages 5+

Executive function. Kids at these ages are still building executive function. Those are skills like planning ahead, self-monitoring, paying attention, and taking initiative. Games that focus on strategy and thinking ahead are helpful for fine-tuning these skills. Examples are games like chess, Ticket to Ride, Cat Crimes (this one can be played alone!) and even the old classic “dots and boxes.”
Repeated use. Look for toys or games that can be used in new and different ways repeatedly. At this age, toys that are “one trick wonders” will not have long-term benefit or enjoyment. Open-ended toys are best like Legos, K’nex, or these cool fort-building sets. These types of toys can be used in different ways each time and require creative thinking each time.
Foster creativity. Older kids can really appreciate creativity. Items that help them think outside the box and consider new solutions to problems are helpful at this age. Things like crafts, painting, musical instruments (yes even recorders), tinkering kits, and coding games are winners with the elementary set.

Foster social-emotional skills. While competitiveness is inherent in most kids, it’s also crucial to foster cooperation and social-emotional skills at this age. We know that kids’ long-term success in life and career will need to involve the ability to cooperate and communicate well with others. Recently, more games have been introduced that focus on building cooperation, more than competition between players.

One favorite activity in our house centers on the Kindness Elves. Each holiday season (and sometimes during the summer), our boys wait impatiently for their arrival in our home. They help encourage acts of kindness and empathy with their little notes and clever ideas. Even my 9-year-old loves his “Elfie.” The best part–they help our kids focus on meaningful acts of kindness instead of just “not being on the naughty list.”

Sports. Now that kids are old enough to understand rules and teams, sports are often very popular. If your child is interested in a particular sport, this is a great time to encourage it and foster persistence in one or two areas about which they are passionate. The range of gear available for each sport is almost endless so be careful in choosing something that will help them gain skills and have good durability.

This year join me in being thoughtful about our gift purchases in an effort to make those smiles on our kids’ faces last more than one day. Plus we will feel better knowing that the toys that enter our house are ones that promote learning, joy, and meaning.

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