There is No “Quiet Quitting” When it Comes to Parenting. But Here’s What You Can Do to Feel Less Overwhelmed

{Sneak peek: There is no “quiet quitting” when it comes to parenting. But here’s what you can do when you feel overwhelmed with parenting.}

Have you heard the phrase “quiet quitting” in the news recently? First coined in a Wall Street Journal article, the idea really has less to do with quitting and more to do with finding balance.  People are craving more balance in their work-life situation. Quiet quitting describes the idea of when people decide to do their job but not to get so emotionally invested in their work and not allow it to take over their personal life. One employee quoted in the article describes it this way, “You’re quitting the idea of going above and beyond. You’re no longer subscribing to the hustle-culture mentality that work has to be your life.”

This is a relatively new phenomenon that’s hitting the news but I think it’s probably been in people’s minds for a while, especially coming out of the pandemic. People realize that they don’t want their work to take over their lives and that work is just one part of their lives.

Related reading: Why the Best Parenting Advice Often Combines Research and Intuition

In Parenting, Quiet Quitting Really Isn’t an Option

Why am I discussing this on a parenting blog? When it comes to parenting, of course, there is no quiet quitting. We can’t quit parenting. More crucially, we can’t really emotionally “check out” either. But there are days when many of us probably feel overwhelmed with parenting and the demands of caregiving.

Have you felt this way?

So what’s the solution? Our kids need us. We can’t emotionally divest from parenting like employees can with quiet quitting.

We can’t quit. But what can we take off our plates to make emotional and mental space for the most important things about parenting? What are those most important things about parenting?

What we deeply feel as parents (and what the research backs up) is that the most important aspects of parenting have more to do with the emotional connection with our children than anything else. With that in mind, what to focus on when overwhelmed parenting has become a way of life is what can we let go of that is not crucial to meeting our children’s emotional needs.

Now, this may be different for each family. What I see among my friends and from my own experience is that there are so many outward demands on our time and our attention that it can take away from the emotional connection with our kids. So if you are in a phase of parenting where everything feels overwhelming, it’s helpful to consider what you can drop and what boundaries you can set on your time.

Strategies to Try When Parenting Feels Overwhelming

We hear a lot about boundaries in regards to parenting and not just for our kids. We need boundaries too. As parents, we only have so many hours in the day and so much emotional energy. If we are feeling overwhelmed with parenting, boundaries serve the purpose of freeing up more emotional energy–for both us and our kids.

Here are a few examples of some boundaries you might set if you are feeling overwhelmed in parenting and caregiving.

• Skip the extras. Are there any extracurricular activities that you can drop or even just skip for a week? If you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, and you just cannot get your kid to another soccer practice or dance lesson, why not skip it for a week? I know, of course, it costs money. But skipping one week, won’t have a huge impact on your child’s future athletic career. Give yourself permission to skip that practice or that music lesson. Instead, go home, order dinner and sit with your child and play board games or watch a movie.
• Phone a friend. Ask a friend or neighbor to pick up your kids from school this week. The mental and emotional energy you save by NOT sitting in the pickup line might just be enough so that you can listen more attentively to your child’s story about their friend at school. That bit of energy you save might just help you deal more calmly with your child’s meltdown over not getting candy before dinner. 
• Ditch perfectionism. Some days it feels like parenting has become a competitive sport. Who can throw the coolest birthday party or design the most perfect bedroom for their child? If you are in an overwhelming stage of parenting, this is the first thing to let go of. I found this account of parents “quiet quitting” Book Week at their school inspiring in this regard. More than anything, your child really wants YOU. I know they may say they want an X-box or a new iPhone, but deep down they need emotional connection and to feel secure in your love. So give up (at least temporarily) on the Pinterest-perfect meal plan and throw down some grilled cheese and baby carrots and call it a day. 

Don’t get me wrong, the point of all this is not to be a lazy parent (I hear the critics out there). It’s about directing your energy (which is limited by the way) to the most important aspects of parenting. The emotional connection we have with our children really matters. Without it, we just become chauffeurs and cooks and housekeepers to our children. When the journey of parenting feels like a very bumpy road, it’s time to conserve your energy for the stuff that matters–listening to our kids, empathizing, playing with them, and helping them through their struggles. This can be the hard stuff of parenting, but it’s also the most rewarding.

In our role as parents, we can’t practice “quiet quitting.” But we can set up our lives so that parenting feels less overwhelming and so our kids know that we are emotionally present, even if the little things fall away.

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