Why Allowing Your Kids to be Bored is a Savvy Parenting Move

{Sneak peek: Kids being bored isn’t a bad thing! The benefits of being bored are real if we can help kids through those challenging first moments}

Hearing kids’ complaints of boredom may strike fear in the hearts of many parents, but it doesn’t have to be that way. If your children are exclaiming, “I’m bored!” then pat yourself on the back. That probably means that in this fast-paced, technology-driven world, you have allowed your child some downtime to actually feel bored. Even the experience of feeling bored has become a rare event indeed.

In reality, the benefits of being bored, even for kids, are innumerable. We often hear stories of famous writers, artists and inventors who planted the early seeds of their great works during times of boredom (either as kids or as adults). Boredom is not something to be feared or driven away with loads of activities or lists. If we can support kids through the difficult feeling of boredom, there are many benefits to be reaped on the other side. In essence, however, this issue of boredom is really a question of social-emotional development. Can we help our kids develop the social-emotional skills to navigate boredom?

Having been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years, this question is not new to me. I’ve dealt with it time and time again. This time, however, I have a little more insight into dealing with bored kids. Let me give you a little backstory…

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When my oldest son (now 12) was a toddler, I found myself turning into the stereotypical “Pinterest mom.” I basically became the cruise director of my child’s day. I was the mom who looked up all sorts of activities on Pinterest to keep my son (and admittedly myself) busy. I had lofty intentions of trying to keep his mind and hands active. We tried crafts of all sorts and sizes – sensory bins, painting, and so on.

Guess what? With a few exceptions, he did not engage with most of it. There is nothing inherently wrong with these ambitious projects. I’m sure many parents have had hours of fun, educational time with their kids doing them.

But for me, this was one of many lessons in my growing understanding of my son’s temperament. Like many kids, he was (and still is) super active. He engages with activities on a much more physical level. Activities like trains or role-playing were a hit, but crafts…not so much.

It was also my first lesson in the art of simplicity. Perhaps like many of you, this lesson has continually been re-taught to me by my children over the years.

The Benefits of Being Bored

All this is to say that I have learned that boredom might be the best gift I can give my children. Research now shows this to be true, but I have felt it to be true in my heart for a long time. The benefits of being bored for kids (and adults, for that matter) are numerous:

Creativity: This study found that when individuals engage in an “undemanding task that promotes mind wandering” (don’t you love that phrase?), they have a better chance of being creative. In other words, allowing ourselves (or our kids to “waste time”) might actually lead to more creativity. This may explain why you get your best ideas while in the shower or on a walk.

Emotional Attunement: Boredom really signals a lack of meaning, say researchers. In studies of boredom, researchers find that bored people are more likely to think of nostalgic memories that provoke emotion. These memories then provide a greater sense of meaning to their life. In other words, boredom, unlike apathy, is motivational because most people don’t like to feel bored. By allowing for a bit of boredom, you can train your brain on how to cope with it better.

“If we don’t ever slow down to allow ourselves the possibility of being bored, we’ll never have the opportunity to kind of clarify our own desires and our own abilities and our own unique way of expressing ourselves and engaging with the world,”

Psychology professor John Eastwood.

Overall mental health: A lull in the constant stimulation of screens, people and academic work can be a good mental break. There is a fine balance, however, since true boredom is also mentally uncomfortable. Once you (or your child) get past those uncomfortable feelings of boredom, it can offer us a chance to understand ourselves. Many authors, engineers and scientists credit times of boredom as when they truly came to understand their skills and what they had to offer the world.

Adults rarely have the opportunity to be bored (until recently) and need to create time for reflection, but children are well-poised to relish their downtime. During times of stress, fear and anxiety, we could all use more time downtime to reflect on our experiences and feelings.

If you had the chance to “be bored” again, how would you spend this time? I would read, write, and cook to my heart’s content. That reveals something about the essence of who I am.

What about our children? Do they understand something about the essence of who they are? What would they do if they had free time to “do nothing?” Having bored kids might just be a moment of opportunity. That is the only way they will ultimately learn to understand the essence of themselves.

Does your son or daughter like to tinker and build new creations? Does he or she like to read and daydream about imaginary lands? May they enjoy drawing and doodling? These tendencies all emerge during times of boredom.

Embrace the benefits of being bored instead of coming up with ideas for bored kids. These questions to ask when kids are bored can help bring new insights and creative outlets into your child’s mind. Sign up and receive this FREE printable list of questions to ask your kids when they say they’re bored. Questions that provoke thinking, reflection and self-expression.

What to Do When Kids are Bored

Face the Uncomfortable Feeling

But if kids are not accustomed to downtime, that first few minutes of unscheduled, free time can be an uncomfortable feeling. We and our kids have to find a way to push through that feeling of needing some sort of stimulation (e.g., TV, phone, iPad) and learn to enjoy the quietness.

One of the primary benefits of being bored: reconnection between people. Once we get past the “Mom, I’m bored,” or “Mom, do you have something for us to do?” phase, then we eventually get to the point of tinkering with Legos or building something out of a cardboard box. True, these are activities. But in essence, they are place-markers for reconnection, especially for kids. You’d be surprised how many good conversations come out of an extended Lego-building session or just tinkering around the house or backyard.

The main point of boredom is this: there’s no agenda. We don’t have to be anywhere at a certain time, and there’s no “goal” behind our tinkering. We’re just spending time together hanging out. After this period of reconnection, however, I think it’s also valuable for kids to spend time on their own (if appropriate for their age). Most weekends, we have quiet time in the afternoon for at least an hour. My elementary-age sons have now learned, though it does take practice, that this is their quiet time, too.

They tinker in their rooms, play with Legos, or read a book. You would be amazed at all the “treasures” they find in their rooms during this time – old drawings and countless toys they haven’t played with in months. We all end this time feeling refreshed and ready for another week ahead.

A few more thoughts on the benefits of being bored and helping kids cope with boredom:

Bored Kids

The Lessons of Boredom

The perspective gained during this time of relative boredom is part of a series of lessons that may just last a lifetime. Kids will forget how to divide fractions (as evidenced by me trying to help my 5th grader with his homework) but they probably won’t forget those weeks or months of quarantine when they had to figure out what to do with hours of time. They will remember how they felt at home with you. They will remember how they had to make up new games, build new creations with Legos and actually spend time with their thoughts.

Related reading: How to Give Your Child a 1980s Childhood {and it’s backed by research!}

While these lessons are not academic, they are no less crucial to a happy, productive life. As this article points out, these times are really building executive functioning skills–things like planning, problem-solving, and self-control. These skills are often best fostered in times of no schedules, limited agendas, and independence (did anyone grow up in the 1980s?). So the next time your child says, “I’m bored” think of this as the perfect opportunity to build mental and emotional skills that may serve well for years to come. 

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