• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

The Thoughtful Parent

A blog that makes child development approachable.

  • About Me
  • Social-Emotional Development
    • 7 Ways to Teach Your Child About Kindness
    • 4 Powerful Social-Emotional Lessons Kids are Learning During the Pandemic
  • Temperament
    • Seeing the Unique Gift of Your Child’s Temperament
    • Insights for Parents from the Science of Child Temperament
  • Toddler Development
    • Research-Backed Real-Life Strategies to Discipline Kids without Yelling
    • Research-Backed Ways to Thrive Through the Toddler Years
  • Child Development Classics
    • A Parent’s Guide to Understanding the 4 Attachment Styles
    • Child Psychology Classics: The Mirror Test
  • Parent Coaching

The Scientific Reason Why Toddlers Whine (and how to lessen it)

Social-Emotional Development, Toddler Development · January 21, 2023

Sneak peek: Toddler whining (or even among older kids) is one of those universal parenting challenges that parents lament. Ideas for understanding whining in toddlers and how to cope.

When your child was an infant, their cries would, no doubt, spur you to act like nothing else. For a parent, the sound of their baby crying ignites something in your nervous system that you previously never knew existed. 

Now that your child is a toddler, the crying has probably subsided a bit. But a new vocalization from your child may be taking its place – whining. While perhaps not as action-provoking as crying, whining is equal parts annoying and somehow impossible for most parents to ignore.

Is the onset of whining in the early childhood years inevitable? Why is it almost impossible to ignore whining from your child? Can you do anything to limit or curtail whining in your child? Understanding toddler development and this phase of whining can help make your parenting days a little easier.

toddler whining

Why Whining Happens

Toddlerhood often has a reputation for being a challenging stage of parenting. This stage comes with its own joys and challenges. Toddlerhood is a very unique stage because it includes two aspects of development that do sometimes seem to conflict with one another. Toddlers are just beginning their strive toward independence. They are beginning to see themselves as unique individuals, separate from their parents. The typical toddler phrase, “me do it” sums up this stage well. 

Related reading: Toddlers Have Big Emotions. Insights from Research on How to Respond

At the same time, toddlers are still very dependent on their caregivers for many things. They still need help feeding themselves (or at least preparing the food), going to the bathroom, getting dressed, etc. Thus, while their strive for independence is strong (and natural), their state of dependence on adults is still very real. This can pose a conflict at times. They often really want to do a task or skill on their own, but in reality, they still need help.

why toddlers whine

These developmental factors are combined with toddlers’ newly discovered language skills. Toddlers are in the midst of a language explosion. They often learn new words each day. With these new words, comes new power. They can now ask for what they need or want.

You would think these increasing language skills would mean that toddlers would need to whine less, not more. However, while they are getting more skilled with language, their ability to manage their emotions remains quite immature. Therefore, while they may have the words to ask for what they want, they may not have the emotional regulation skill to be able to manage their emotions when they don’t receive the requested item. 

All these factors together set the scene for an increase in whining during the toddler years. The reason that your child may continue to whine, even when you ask them not to is simple – it works. This doesn’t mean you are doing anything wrong. Toddler whining tends to work on you (and most parents) because of some inherent biological factors that you have little control over.

Why Do Toddlers Whine?

Whining is characterized by a high-pitched or varied pitch sound, often louder or more energetic than normal speech. Similar to crying, this type of sound has been found to gain the attention of adults (especially parents) at a much higher rate than other vocalizations. One study even found that whining attracted more attention from adults than crying. 

Although you might try your hardest to ignore your child’s whining or direct your attention to something else (your work task or chore at hand), biologically your ears are wired to notice the sound of whining. Does that mean that as a parent to a toddler you are destined to have whining as part of your life until your child matures out of this phase? Not necessarily. You can help your child learn to communicate their needs in ways that don’t involve whining (or at least less whining).

girl looking sad

Tips to End Toddler Whining

Realistically, there isn’t a magic switch to turn off whining in your child. As your child matures and learns other ways to communicate their needs, typically the whining decreases. You can help this process along by how you interact with them.

  • Be an Emotion Coach. Toddlers often still struggle with expressing their emotions in words. You can help! Try to understand and vocalize the emotion they are trying to express. Are they angry, frustrated, tired, etc? Help give them the language to express this in terms other than whining – “are you sad because we have to leave the park?” or “You seem frustrated because you can’t open that toy.” Over time, this will help them learn to express their emotions more effectively.
  • Rephrase. Young children may not even recognize that they are whining. If you think your child is old enough to understand differences in tone of voice, ask them kindly to repeat their request in a normal (or powerful) voice. Sometimes you can try making a game out of this. Perhaps encourage them to ask the request in their big, strong superhero voice or their favorite silly character voice. It takes some practice for young children to understand this but they will get the hang of it eventually. 
  • Connect. It’s hard to feel emotionally connected with your child when they are whining but try to remember they are just expressing a need. Of course, the candy at the checkout counter is not really a need. However, their whining may come from a deeper need to have their emotions heard and validated. This doesn’t mean that you have to “give in” to their request but you can still offer a hug, or remind them that you love them, even if they don’t get what they want.
  • Positive Reinforcement. When your child does ask for something with a polite, non-whiny voice, be sure to offer praise or some type of positive reinforcement to let them know. For example, “I love how nicely you asked for that toy. That was so kind.” Over time, this will help them understand the difference between whining and asking in a more polite voice.

        Toddler whining, while developmentally typical, can be extremely frustrating. Now that you understand why it happens, you will be prepared to cope with it more effectively. With a few tweaks to your interactions, you can help your toddler learn to communicate in new ways with less whining.

        Filed Under: Social-Emotional Development, Toddler Development Tagged With: discipline, emotional development, positive parenting, toddlers, whining

        Amy Webb, Ph.D.

        Writer and mom of two who brings academic child development and parenting information into the lives of ordinary parents who can use it in their daily lives.

        Reader Interactions

        Leave a Reply Cancel reply

        Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

        This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

        Primary Sidebar

        child temperament quiz
        Amy Webb
        As a mom of two young boys, I've seen first-hand how research-based child development information, combined with intuition, can guide you through your parenting journey. Although I have a Ph.D.in Human Development and Family Sciences, many of my real parenting discoveries have come through my experience. I believe parenting with confidence comes from knowledge; parenting with grace comes from insight. Join me on this parenting journey of learning and discovery

        Learn Your Child’s Temperament

        child temperament

        Moms–Preview My New Book!

        Get Parenting Inspiration at My RedBubble Shop

        parenting blog

        Guides

        Child Temperament

        Stay-at-Home Mom

        Developmental Toys

        Toddler Development

        Social-Emotional Development

         

        Search

        Online Course for Moms

        stay at home mom course

        As seen on

        Amazon affiliate links appear on this blog. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases (at no added cost to you).

        Popular Posts

        • newborn reflexes
          What a Baby’s Temperament Tells Us About Their Long-Term Development
        • top parenting blogs
          23 Best Parenting Blogs
        • mirror test babies
          Child Psychology Classics: The Mirror Test
        • connecting with kids
          What Research Says is the Best Stay-at-Home Mom Schedule for Kids {and moms too!}
        • toddler speaks own language
          How to Give Your Child a 1980s Childhood {and it’s backed by research!}

        Join our Facebook Group of intentional parents!

        parenting

        Copyright © 2023 · Maker Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in

        We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Ok