Sneak peek: All mothers need their community of people who support their role as mothers—the mom tribe. It turns out this mom tribe has real developmental benefits for your child as well.}
A mom tribe is a supportive community that assists mothers in their parenting journey, offering both emotional and practical help. This social network provides significant developmental advantages for babies, as human infants require extended adult care compared to most other mammals. Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy's book, "Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding," suggests that cooperative breeding within social groups fostered human traits like cooperation and empathy. Therefore, the mom tribe not only supports the mother but also plays a vital role in the child's social and emotional development.
I attended a baby shower for a friend a few weeks ago. I hadn’t been to one in a few years, given that many of my friends, like myself, are in the “messy middle” of parenthood, rather than just starting our journey.
I was once again struck by the beautiful example baby showers are of the “mom tribe” in action. For centuries, women have bonded over the impending birth of a new baby. Nowadays, it involves gifts and appetizers, but in years past it might have involved sewing, cooking or advice-giving. The feeling, I imagine, is very much the same. The mom tribe supports the mom-to-be in preparing both physically and emotionally for the birth.
Another aspect of the shower that caught my attention was how babies in the room were admired, discussed, and passed from mom to mom for cuddles and soothing. This has happened at almost every baby shower I’ve ever attended. Babies are always welcomed and no shortage of attention is given to them. This too is a crucial aspect of the mom tribe—we support each other in the care of our babies.
As it turns out, this social aspect of childrearing is not just convenient and supportive to the mom, it’s actually based on evolution and really aids babies’ development is crucial ways.
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We all know the hugely important role that mother’s play in children’s development. With Mother’s Day coming up, I thought I’d think outside the box a bit about all those “other mothers” who impact our children’s development.
What is the role of 'Mothers and Others' in human social development?
In her book, "Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding," Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy argues that other caregivers play a crucial role in human social development. She highlights that human babies are uniquely dependent on adults for an extended period, unlike most other mammals. This prolonged dependency, coupled with cooperative breeding within social groups, fostered essential human traits such as cooperation, empathy, and the ability to understand others' thoughts and feelings. These traits, Hrdy suggests, developed from the selective pressures of needing to trust and rely on others within a communal child-rearing environment.
One article described it this way,
“Our capacity to cooperate in groups, to empathize with others and to wonder what others are thinking and feeling — all these traits, Dr. Hrdy argues, probably arose in response to the selective pressures of being in a cooperatively breeding social group, and the need to trust and rely on others and be deemed trustworthy and reliable in turn.”
The Developmental Benefits of a Mom Tribe
Personally, I think this is a fascinating idea and one that also sheds a little light on our modern day culture. In our individualistic society, I think it’s easy for mothers to think that we have to do everything. Of course, we all know that mothers share a special bond with their children that no one can replace.
But I think this article gives us insight into the idea that raising children really is a social activity. Babies enjoy human interaction above just about anything else and this interaction can be with mom but also with dad, grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, etc. This shared caring for babies really helps us become human. Additionally, it helps babies and toddlers to learn to trust, cooperate, and anticipate the feelings of others. The social-emotional skills young children learn through human interaction with the mom tribe is crucial to their development as well.
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Unfortunately, in our modern world, we rarely see examples of this social child rearing. Sometimes at a large family or neighborhood gathering, you will see babies being passed from adult to adult who coo and awe at the baby while mom is looking after other tasks. In this setting, you can almost imagine how it must have been thousands of years ago as humans raised children in a more communal setting.
Today with our individual houses, gated neighborhoods, and fenced yards, it is hard to imagine close friends (or even extended family) being so involved in the daily raising of children. In some ways, however, I think we all yearn for some level of community like that. As a new mom, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a newborn and me being the only one who could really meet those needs. I think many mothers feel this way. Spend any time listening to a mother’s group and you will know that community is still what we long for deep down.
On this Mother’s Day, it’s a time to reflect on the unique relationship between mothers and their children. However, as mothers, we might also be reminded that we are not the only ones who nurture our children. Other caregivers give our children a wider sense of the world and help them understand how to empathize and trust. Ultimately, it’s nice to know that we are not alone in guiding and shaping our children.
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So on Mother’s Day, I’m going to thank my mom for helping me become who I am. But I may also think about those “other mothers” too—my dad, my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Plus, I’ll take some time to thank my mom tribe of fellow mothers who provide support and inspiration on this journey.
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