{The medical community may tell us about all the risk of “mature” motherhood. However, psychology is showing us that there are real benefits to being an “older” mom.}
I still remember it vividly–sitting in the doctor’s office, pregnant with my second son and being offered all the “extra” testing. I was surprised at all these new genetic tests that were not offered with my first pregnancy. When I asked the doctor about all these new tests, she reminded me politely that, “since you are over 35” these other tests are available because you are at greater risk for complications.
Sheesh! That’s not exactly what I wanted to hear. I did not feel any different from when I had my first son at 32, but according to the medical community, I was in a whole other category of “older moms” now. In the medical realm, moms of a certain age may feel they are past their prime for parenthood.
When we look beyond the medical sciences, however, we find quite a different story. Studies coming out of the fields of psychology, child development and others are now showing numerous benefits of being an “older” mom, for both mothers and children.
Better Brain Power
Although pregnancy at any age may make our brains feel a bit foggy, it turns out that having babies later in life may actually preserve brain power. One recent study found that women who had their last child after the age of 35 showed better verbal memory in their postmenopausal years. Researchers believe this has to do with the rush of progesterone associated with pregnancy and childbirth. This hormone is thought to stall some of the mental declines that normally come with aging.
Related reading: What Being a Stay-at-Home Mom Taught Me about Child Development (that a Ph.D. didn’t)
You Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
It may not feel like you have much patience as you struggle with your toddler’s car seat for the thousandth time, but research backs up the idea that older parents tend to be more patient. A recent study from developmental psychology showed that older moms tended to use less physical and verbal punishment compared to their younger counterparts. Interestingly (and perhaps related), kids of older moms (at least in the 7-11 age range) had fewer behavioral problems as well. So take heart moms, you may not be able to run as fast as your toddler, but at least you have the wisdom to know not to sweat the small stuff.
Similarly, with age comes maturity and this can be a real benefit when it comes to dealing with the ups and downs of parenthood. Having more life experience, both the good and the bad, can help you cope with parenting struggles. Many moms having kids in their late 30s might have already experienced many life-altering events like the loss of their own parents, divorce or major career changes. While not pleasant, all these experiences build resilience and coping skills--all which become crucial to handling parenthood’s challenges.
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Not everything you hear about child development is true. Separate fact from myth:
Established Career
The old adage that you should wait to have kids until you establish your career actually does have some real data to back it up. Moms who have kids after 31 do show higher lifetime earnings compared to moms having kids in their 20s.
Although we know money isn’t everything, some moms report that having kids after their career was more established helped them feel more confident in asking for time off for kids’ events and family time. Recently Senator Tammy Duckworth, who became the first sitting senator to give birth (at age 50), told reporters about this increased confidence, “And I’m in a better place in my career. I’m in a good place where I have more authority, and I can look at my team and say, you know what? This is parent-teacher conference day. I’m going to it. I couldn’t have said that as a young platoon leader in the Army to my boss.”
The Kids are Alright
It’s not just moms who reap the benefits of mature parenthood. Kids are likely to see several benefits to having older moms. At least one study has shown that children of older mothers tend to get better grades and are more likely to attend a university. This finding, of course, is due in large part to the fact that older moms tend to be more highly educated themselves.
Related reading: Parenting Research: Your Guide to Making Sense of It All
It’s a sad thought, but many moms who have kids later in life worry if they will be around to see their kids get married or hold their grandkids. Turns out, moms may not have to lose sleep over this concern as much as we thought. New research is showing that women who had their last child after the age of 33 are twice as likely to live to the age of 95 compared to women having their last child in their 20s. So mature moms take heart, there’s a good chance that you will live long enough to hear those words we all long to hear from our kids, “Mom, you were right!”
The trend toward older motherhood isn’t changing anytime soon. Balancing the demands of education, career and family often makes the path to motherhood less straightforward than in generations past. Regardless if you become a mother at 25 or 35, each mom follows her unique path to motherhood in a way that shapes her life and the lives of her children.
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A very thoughtful and insightful article–you brought up many excellent points! I do believe, however that the age of the parent SOMETIMES does not make a difference–it's the dedication parents have in desiring to be a good parent and give their best to their child. Thank you for sharing this!