{All mothers need their community of people who support their role as mothers–the mom tribe. It turns out this mom tribe has real developmental benefits for your child as well.}
I attended a baby shower for a friend a few weeks ago. I hadn’t been to one in a few years, given that many of my friends, like myself, are in the “messy middle” of parenthood, rather than just starting our journey.
I was once again struck by the beautiful example baby showers are of the “mom tribe” in action. For centuries women have bonded over the impending birth of a new baby. Nowadays, it involves gifts and appetizers, but in years past it might have involved sewing, cooking or advice-giving. The feeling, I imagine, is very much the same. The mom tribe supports the mom-to-be in preparing both physically and emotionally for the birth.
Another aspect of the shower that caught my attention was how babies in the room were admired, discussed and passed from mom to mom for cuddles and soothing. This has happened at almost every baby shower I’ve ever attended. Babies are always welcomed and no shortage of attention given to them. This too is a crucial aspect of the mom tribe–we support each other in the care of our babies.
As it turns out, this social aspect of childrearing is not just convenient and supportive to the mom, it’s actually based on evolution and really aids babies’ development is crucial ways.
Related reading: Are More Babies Born During the Summer? (Plus Baby Gift Ideas)
We all know the hugely important role that mother’s play in children’s development. With Mother’s Day coming up, I thought I’d think outside the box a bit about all those “other mothers” who impact our children’s development.
Mothers and Others
In her book, Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding Dr. Sarah Blaffer Hrdy considers the role other caregivers play in helping us humans become social. As we all know, human babies, in contrast to most all other mammals (including primates), are born surprisingly dependent on adults and stay that way for a long time. Most other mammal babies can leave their mothers within a few months or a couple of years at the most and function quite well in their environment. Not so with human babies. They require many years (some would say more than 18) to become independent people.
“Our capacity to cooperate in groups, to empathize with others and to wonder what others are thinking and feeling — all these traits, Dr. Hrdy argues, probably arose in response to the selective pressures of being in a cooperatively breeding social group, and the need to trust and rely on others and be deemed trustworthy and reliable in turn.”
The Developmental Benefits of a Mom Tribe
Personally, I think this is a fascinating idea and one that also sheds a little light on our modern day culture. In our individualistic society, I think it’s easy for mothers to think that we have to do everything. Of course, we all know that mothers share a special bond with their children that no one can replace.
Related reading: The Realistic Way to Stop Mom Shaming in its Tracks
Unfortunately, in our modern world, we rarely see examples of this social child rearing. Sometimes at a large family or neighborhood gathering, you will see babies being passed from adult to adult who coo and awe at the baby while mom is looking after other tasks. In this setting, you can almost imagine how it must have been thousands of years ago as humans raised children in a more communal setting.
Today with our individual houses, gated neighborhoods, and fenced yards, it is hard to imagine close friends (or even extended family) being so involved in the daily raising of children. In some ways, however, I think we all yearn for some level of community like that. As a new mom, I remember feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a newborn and me being the only one that could really meet those needs. I think many mothers feel this way. Spend any time listening to a mothers’ group and you will know that community is still what we long for deep down.
On this Mother’s Day, it’s a time to reflect on the unique relationship between mothers and their children. However, as mothers, we might also be reminded that we are not the only ones that nurture our children. Other caregivers give our children a wider sense of the world and help them understand how to empathize and trust. Ultimately, it’s nice to know that we are not alone in guiding and shaping our children.
Related reading: What I’ve Learned so Far: Child Development Lessons from a Stay-at-Home Mom
So on Mother’s Day, I’m going to thank my mom for helping me become who I am. But I may also think about those “other mothers” too–my dad, my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Plus, I’ll take some time to thank my mom tribe of fellow mothers who provide support and inspiration on this journey.
– Watch a video on this topic
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